Originally Posted on June 13th, 2012.
My blog is finally coming on its way, and soon it will be a functional site to bear my soul. I will admit that I am rusty at writing. Exposing my feelings to the virtual world is something I am not exactly keen on, and I am still struggling to reach out for that creative mindset that always seems to elude me. Sometimes it visits me; fleetingly, I have an idea. And then it is gone; something that practically never existed. I have been in Bangalore for over a month, and I can’t quite pinpoint how I feel about life currently. My experience now is neither that when I first came to Bangalore in 2010, nor is it anything like the experience I had in Delhi in the fall of 2011. I look back on myself in Bangalore two years ago, and I see myself as an immensely intense person. I was quite “out there” even compared to my normal eccentricity. I came to India with an ignorant but open heart, and I was both torn and revived by the raw reality of India. In Delhi, I was the opposite. I was closed off, and refused to allow India back into my heart. It hurt to be here, it hurt to leave.
Here and in the now, I am different, altered. I feel as though I have become desensitized but in a rational way. When I first came here in 2010, I was amazed at how seemingly apathetic people were to the world around them. I cried when I saw things – wanted to retreat, and sometimes wanted to escape this world. Others saw, but were able to carry on, so easily continue on their day. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it, but now I understand. Even I, after a longer exposure to India’s rawness, have begun to see it all differently. I am not so perturbed; I have learned to accept things as they are. Life still moves me, but now it takes a harder shove. Whether or not this bodes well for my life philosophy or my writing, I am not so sure. But I am trying. My voice, however it is changing, is still there. It is a new journey, and I am reintroducing myself.
My blog is finally coming on its way, and soon it will be a functional site to bear my soul. I will admit that I am rusty at writing. Exposing my feelings to the virtual world is something I am not exactly keen on, and I am still struggling to reach out for that creative mindset that always seems to elude me. Sometimes it visits me; fleetingly, I have an idea. And then it is gone; something that practically never existed. I have been in Bangalore for over a month, and I can’t quite pinpoint how I feel about life currently. My experience now is neither that when I first came to Bangalore in 2010, nor is it anything like the experience I had in Delhi in the fall of 2011. I look back on myself in Bangalore two years ago, and I see myself as an immensely intense person. I was quite “out there” even compared to my normal eccentricity. I came to India with an ignorant but open heart, and I was both torn and revived by the raw reality of India. In Delhi, I was the opposite. I was closed off, and refused to allow India back into my heart. It hurt to be here, it hurt to leave.
Here and in the now, I am different, altered. I feel as though I have become desensitized but in a rational way. When I first came here in 2010, I was amazed at how seemingly apathetic people were to the world around them. I cried when I saw things – wanted to retreat, and sometimes wanted to escape this world. Others saw, but were able to carry on, so easily continue on their day. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it, but now I understand. Even I, after a longer exposure to India’s rawness, have begun to see it all differently. I am not so perturbed; I have learned to accept things as they are. Life still moves me, but now it takes a harder shove. Whether or not this bodes well for my life philosophy or my writing, I am not so sure. But I am trying. My voice, however it is changing, is still there. It is a new journey, and I am reintroducing myself.
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